Koh Tao, Gulf of Thailand
On a Thursday night in mid-April, I embarked on a 30-something hour journey to Koh Tao, an island that is part of the Chumphon Archipelago on the western shore of the Gulf of Thailand, with a population under 1500, to take part in an Arrow Retreat led by founder, Dani Yarusso. Along the way, I intercepted three of the other women on the journey with me. First, there was Dr. Nadia and Maria, with whom I traveled roughly 13 hours with from Dulles to Doha, Qatar, before splitting up for different flights to our first destination in Thailand. I was flying to Phuket, Thailand, where I would catch the final flight of the trip to Koh Samui, while they were flying to Bangkok. Some 12 hours later, at the airport in Koh Samui, I met up with Maria again, and we ventured to the chaotic and steamy ferry station, where we connected with Nadia and Renee and the four of us boarded the two-hour ferry ride to Koh Tao. The common denominator between all the retreat attendees was Dani, with whom we had each practiced vinyasa yoga at various DC and Baltimore studios. Dani’s inspirational and uplifting spirit was enough to get us all to sign up for an adventure with her.
As our ferry moved through the Gulf of Thailand en route to Koh Tao, we were welcomed by turquoise waters with a backdrop of lush-green mountainous terrain, boulders, and cascading bamboo-roofed homes built into the countryside. There were long-tail boats scattered along the shore, their exteriors a medley of blues and greens and yellows. All at once, Koh Tao’s vibrant backdrop eased us into the tropical and gorgeous setting that answered the question to why we had just spent almost two days traveling to arrive here: this was paradise.
At the port, we met up with ringleader Dani and Jackie, who was on her third Arrow Retreat and always managed to keep us entertained with her sparkling personality. Immediately, we were immersed in the stifling heat and humidity. Sweat covered our brows, faces, and bodies. It was as if we had been dropped off in a jungle during the hottest part of the day. As the week progressed, it would become clear that sweating was like breathing in Koh Tao – involuntary and constant. Piling into the back of a pick-up truck—our main mode of transportation on the island—bodies tucked tight, with our luggage stacked between us, we gripped the sides of the truck and the bar under the seat for dear life. As the truck weaved across the road, climbing and plummeting through the mountainous region, ocean and cliffs all around us, it was clear that we were in for an adventure and that the first order was letting go and accepting this strange new setting, the sticky climate, colorful flowers, brilliant greenery, and sheer beauty.
Sai Daeng Resort, our destination, was a magical oasis built up on a mountain top. There were boulders and green hills and white sand beach; there was an infinity pool whose floor was a medley of blues overlooking the ocean, from which we were able to take in the waves below as they gently rolled up the shore. There were steep spiral stairs leading down to the beach area, which we were soon to learn that you could not walk up or down without a racing heart and dripping brow. Later in the week we would meet Sai, a larger-than-life Thai character who had studied in Maryland at Essex Community College, where he met his bride, before the couple eventually returned to his native Thailand and opened the Resort in Koh Tao only a few years prior.
The retreat group met up late Saturday afternoon in our makeshift yoga studio: an airy and glorious cement building overlooking the ocean, with white gauze curtains that danced in the breeze. The setting was just the right blend of rustic and tropical to transport us. Dani created a welcome circle, and we all went around introducing ourselves, before we moved into a gentle yoga practice to wash away some of the travel fatigue and closed with setting our intentions for the week. That first afternoon, I remembered a mantra from David Swenson that had been part of my daily life for years, before I had somehow lost it: “There are fears that keep you alive, and fears that keeps you from living your life.” How often I had reflected on that when making decisions– was I acting out of a place of fear or a place of reason?
We had dinner at the hotel that night, out on the beach, with fans blowing to keep us from melting, and an abundance of Thai food flowing – vegetable dishes, rice, and a medley of Pad Thais – washed down with wine and tropical drinks. The waves feet from us, flowing and receding, the sand under our feet, 11 hours separating us from our loved ones back on the East Coast, it began to sink in that we were on the other side of the world, tucked away in this remote corner of the universe. It began to sink in that the always-on, nonstop pace I had been cultivating in my work life was about to dismantle. I had arrived at junctures of serenity and stillness before, and knew that with unraveling came discovery, bouts of exhaustion, and clarity, too.
Dani founded Arrow Retreats, a boutique adventure, life-style company, years back, and has since led retreats to exotic locations including Iceland, Morocco, Greece, Bali, and South Africa, to name a few. Her idea in creating Arrow was to blend wellness with cultural adventures and bring women from different stages of life and backgrounds together. Sure, her retreats involve daily yoga, but there are also climbs and hikes and camel rides and water sports and meals and activities in addition to time to reflect both independently, and as a group. Sharing new experiences with new friends, in unfamiliar settings is part of the adventure.
Day two, our first full day in Koh Tao, I ventured out at 5 am to determine where I was going to run. The hills were astounding – steep and constant. I set out on the road out of the resort, only to realize that the blind spots abounded; should a truck be coming towards me, they would have no way to spot me, let alone there was nowhere for me to dart out of the way. Years back, running along the roads in Mykonos, Greece, I had taken a severe fall when a truck swerved to avoid hitting me in a similar winding, climbing road situation. That’s when I realized that running on our quarter mile strip of beach was probably my best bet, so down the endless spiraling heart-race inducing steps I went, and embarked on what was to become my daily ritual for the week: running back and forth, darting the waves for an hour. I believe that monotony is its own training and welcomed the opportunity to hone my mental skills during my morning runs.
At 7 am our group convened for our morning yoga, followed by a discussion and a luxurious, no-rush breakfast buffet that consisted of everything from typical Thai dumplings and rice and soups, to a traditional Western breakfast, consisting of fruit and muffins and an omelet bar.
Later, we ventured to town to meet our hosts for our snorkeling adventure. After we got over the shock of stepping onto tires immersed in the water and climbing through other boats to get to our boat, it was smooth sailing. Our boat visited a multitude of snorkeling sites, and at each one, we ventured into the water and took our time exploring. I don’t know the last time I spent the day swimming around in the ocean looking at fish and coral reef. It was soothing and relaxing. Spending so much time immersed under water made me think of the depths of life, and how so much lives beneath the surface and how little time we sometimes give that underground world when we are caught up in living at the surface. We saw endless coral reefs, and anemone or clown fish, amongst others. We were fortunate that our hosts were there to help us to decipher what we saw and share details about the fish, too. It became addicting with each new site our boat led us to: we all plunged into the water, and swam off with our gear, immersed in our own explorations. Later that afternoon, we took in the majestic sunset on Sairee beach, and then ate dinner on the roof deck of a trendy Sairee Beach restaurant, Blue Water.
By Monday, we had the schedule down pat: for me, run, then group yoga, then leisurely breakfast. As Monday was a free day – our only scheduled item was cooking classes later that afternoon at the hotel – we opted to venture to town to explore and get massages.
It’s worth noting that massage parlors are in abundance in Koh Tao, as they are throughout Thailand. We walked past numerous massage parlors overlooking the beach, which consisted of mattresses positioned next to one another, on the floor, covered with thin sheets and towels that were changed for each new customer. Massages in Thailand are clearly not for germaphobes. We found our favorite spot at Kayo Massage and a group of us ventured in, changing into the balloon-like uniforms we were given – the pants reminiscent of MC Hammer – and then lying down and letting go. What started out gentle, evolved into my masseuse standing, literally, on my glutes, in between elbowing my IT bands to unweave the knots induced from endless travel, and daily runs. We had lunch in town – every food outing in Koh Tao took hours for the Thai cooks to prepare, which meant more time sitting around and hanging out – before we ventured back in a pickup truck to hang out in the Sai Daeong resort pool, which became our second home, complete with the unicorn float and swim-up pool bar where we ordered fruit smoothies and mojitos.
Our outing on Tuesday consisted of hiking up John Suwan Viewpoint, which offered spectacular views over Baan Chalok Bay and Shark Bay, which we were able to see from our terraces at the resort. We started off from the hotel, intent on hiking to the viewpoint, only to go the wrong way, spend an hour sweating and climbing, until we pleaded with a random pick-up truck to take us to the viewpoint. Little did we know that the only way to the view point was to hike up it, boulders and all, using the ropes along the way to pull us up. The scenery at the top was worth it: secluded bays, green hills, and miles of beaches spread out before us. We spent the rest of the afternoon at Freedom Beach, where we alternated between wading into the tepid water and sitting on the beach, drinking coconut water out of the shell and sharing stories about our parents and 9/11 and our lives back home in general.
Our collective retreat focus was khai, which in Thai means “to open, unfold, unlock, expand.” And without trying, that’s what happened throughout the week. The time and space we found in Thailand enabled us to unfold and branch out. Away from our routines, it was about togetherness and passing the hours. The heat helped, too, as it has a way of melting away that which we don’t need or want and helping us to purify from the inside out.
On Wednesday, we kayaked in pairs of two from Sairee beach over to Koh Nang Yuan, a cluster of three islands connected by a sandbar. The sun blazed down on us as we made our way in the kayaks, all around us taxi boats taking tourists to the islands. In the excessive heat, we opted to secure beach chairs with umbrellas once we arrived, and eventually waded into the water, where trigger fish and parrot fish swam all around us, only a few feet from the shore. After a day on the island, we opted to hire a boat to take us back to Sairee beach, kayaks and all. We spent the remainder of the day in our typical manner of pool, and then later, dined at the hotel’s beach-front restaurant, all of us situated at one long table, conversation and laughter flowing.
In Koh Tao, we mastered the art of doing nothing. This was unusual for the group of professionals, amongst us, a facial plastic surgeon, a geologist, an accountant, a PA, real estate developers, and so on. And yet in all the outward doing nothing, for me, as I assume to the be the case for the others, there was a lot of internal activity and self-examination. I began to consider the past year of my life; the past decade, from leaving New York City, to venturing to Florida, and then leaving Florida for D.C. It’s so hard to know where one should be, which path is the right one. I have come to accept that there are no wrong turns in life, just turns that lead us this way and that, turns that reflect new versions of ourselves back at us. I have come to know that the left turns of my life – often unexpected and jolting – are where the growth lives, where the mysteries unfold, and where I tend to uncover a deeper peace and acceptance. While change is never easy, it’s in change perhaps that we see what we are made up of, test our agility, and witness our ability to transition and grow. How easy it would be to remain the same, but how powerful it is to evolve and branch out in new directions. If I had not taken a chance and moved to D.C. 1.5 years back, I would have never been with this group, in Thailand, at this intersection of my life.
Friday at 5:30 am we gathered on a rooftop deck at the resort overlooking Shark Bay, to do 108 sun salutes, which is a cleansing practice intended to restore and recalibrate from within. 108 is revered as a sacred number, the most divine number believed to cleanse, purify, and transform energy. As we reached our arms towards the sky, the sun rose before us, it’s warmth and glow a reminder of the vastness of the new day and all that was before us. We closed the practice with a sharing circle, and went around imparting some final intentions we aimed to take with us from the retreat. My intention was to live more, not get stuck in all the daily doing. We spent our final day at the pool and the ocean, taking in all the beauty that Koh Tao had to offer. Later that evening, on our final night dinner boat cruise, we sat around talking, laughing, listening to music, sipping cocktails from plastic coffee cups as the sun faded in the sky, it’s flaming orange orb moving out onto the horizon, before it vanished into the night sky, and we had our final night feast as we floated along the Gulf.
Koh Tao reminded me that sometimes you must go really far away to bring yourself back. It’s not just about disconnecting, but about connecting with the environment, with people, with what matters to you at your core. And sometimes, you need to have hours each day where you don’t think, wish, or want for anything. When you just are. Dani took us on a daily journey through the seven Chakras, but she didn’t drown us in yogic philosophy. If you wished to soak in the academics, you were free to; if not, you got to experience it, which is what matters most. I have been on dozens of yoga retreats where you do your daily yoga practice and then go on your way. On this retreat, we lingered. We shared instances of our lives with one another. We asked ourselves tough questions and listened to one another’s thoughts, fears, dreams, and wishes without any judgement. We got to ourselves but also got to be there for one another. We truly practiced yoga on and off the mat, and ended our discussions most days by going around the room filling in the blank of I AM _______: awake, strong, determined, courageous, alive, accepting, ready.
Thailand was fruity drinks, spicy food, white rice to soak it all in, heat, beauty all around, cooling oceans and pools, and kindness and gratitude. Each early morning I ventured out to run, the sun yet a promise in the pre-dawn sky, the hotel staff greeted me with a wai. In Thailand, the wai is used when greeting one another, to say goodbye, or show respect, gratitude, or apology; hands in prayer and raised upwards towards the face, while the head lowers in a slight bow. To me, it’s an act of prayer, recognition, grace. There was an overall feeling of reverence in Koh Tao; to Dani in bringing us all together, to the new friends made on the retreat, and to the island, with its abundant beauty. There are so few untouched places in life, that when you find one, you hope that it stays intact, remains pure and untouched.
Saturday, we ventured by ferry back to Koh Samui. I was flying back to Bangkok that night, then to Doha, Qatar, then back to DC with a few others. Some of the group was staying on in Thailand to continue their holidays or heading to nearby countries. In Thailand, I remembered that everything is an adventure. In our daily busy-ness, how often we forget that; how often we seek to check off things on our to do lists, versus live, and feel and see and do. For me, the time away was a reminder that friendships, laughter, and time outs to reflect are where the growth lives, not in the every day going to work aspect of our lives. It is in the reflection that we can begin to glimpse ourselves, what really matters to us, and chart the path we wish to pursue.
